As I was walking back home from school, I just realized that I’m walking alone. Not that I’m being anti-social,
(i think I’m gonna be forever alone), but then when you’re all alone, your mind starts to wander.
My mind went into the thoughts of me living off my life
lonely independently, and exploring the world alone. ALONE. I’d be off somewhere in the winter, and I’ll be alone, probably in the desert field alone, oh and I think if I were to organize a birthday party even at the coolest place ever like a sky rooftop bar, I’d picture, empty bars, tables full of nachos just left there to sog in the rain after, and just me.
I wouldn’t want to spread the negativity aura now, considering that at this point of time, I’m having rough days, but there’s a need for me to say it so that you can understand. Just recently, I started working in the weekends, I had wanted to work for both days, and it rained, my pay is really nice, but my hours depended on the people and weather, so I was sent home earlier than expected and therefore i had lesser pay. On that day itself, I was supposed to have had a project with my teammates, and because I needed the money, I sacrificed some important stuffs for school. Not forgetting all the sleepless nights, because of the whole ball of tiredness just clumped into me trying to get through the next day, I’m trying to catch up with driving lessons. Then my handphone died out on me. It went spoiled, and i just repaired it not much that a month ago. Can’t complain but have to (yes, not I’m won’t make it better by just complaning or you prolly won’t care either)
The thing is that, whatever I was feeling at this point of time, the emptiness that was going around me, all the bad things, it made me feel like I’m nothing to this world. It made me feel like I’m not as equally as important as anyone else, and feel moody, grumpy, and it like shit, BUT, in these times, while walking back home from school, the emptiness, the lonliness, somehow made me feel like I am somehow free. A part of me says that, I’m on my worst days, can’t get any worser, only better and another part of me also says that in this emptiness, I’ve open myself to everything. When you feel like you have to be a part of something, you’re constrained to yourself, knowing that, when I’m at this stage, I can also see that the world is mine, opportunity is now in front of me and now I see everything, when you know nothing, you have the motivation to want to know everything.
So even in the worst of days, there’s always another side of the pole that brings us from nothing to everything.