Thinking of a Musical Career.

I’ve not been happy lately. No wait, that doesn’t sound right, I’ve felt like there was something missing recently. There was an empty feeling to which I use to have so much recently.

I was on my way home from the final year project, going up on the bus, with a bunch of other people. I can sense the dullness of the whole thing altogether, right in the bus, I kinda  see the sighs, the faces of boredom, and i don’t know, what else. its just deteriorating to the mind, heart and soul really.

I was looking and trying to imagine seeing myself in their shoes, how much, if i continue this journey, if working in an aviation industry was something I really wanted to be in. Yes, definitely, it would be good for money but what about this —->  ‘:D ‘ . Classmates be telling that they want to be pilots, engineers, airlines, but i can’t really figure it out. I’m glad another one of my friend feels the same way. 

Then this really annoying question comes back to me again, “What am I gonna be? ” , its easy really, but when you’re seriously clueless about what to do, then “houston, we have a problem”

So i ventured out again, and try to imagine something that I would really worth working, something that I can enjoy working, without this feeling of guilt, and start to look through again what I’ve like to do, and yes. I’ve totally forgotten about this until now.

Band in primary school, choir and guitar ensemble in Secondary school, all the piano lesson I’ve been teaching myself through Youtube, Drums, Those productions I’ve stored so much in my hard disk I’ve barely touched it anymore. Electronic Music Production and DJ-ing in polytechnic years. Back then, I’ve had related myself to music. 3rd year came, and after internship, I’ve barely touched the CDJ set anymore. I can see a downward spiral in my mood, focusing on tests, and tests, and project, and tests again, that i forgotten about the one thing i truly care forgotten about, is to breathe and live again to what I’ve not been attending to.

Its going to graduation soon in another 1 month, and I should be going to serve the country for National Service soon. Given much thought this time, I’ve could have just taken the Sonic Arts course when i had wanted it back during year 1. It could have been an amazing experience.

So after all of this, I’ve decided that to truly embrace life and enjoy what I’m doing, I’m going to go and take a diploma in audio engineering and/or music production. Either one or the other. 

I read the book ‘The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari’ and in one of the pages lies a really good wisdom phrase

“Every event has a purpose and every setback its lesson. I have realized that failure, whether of the personal, professional or even spiritual kind, is essential to personal expansion. It brings inner growth and a whole host of psychic rewards. Never regret your past. Rather, embrace it as a teacher that it is.” – Yogi Krishnan



Daily Prompt: Flawed

What is your worst quality?


Hmm, okay, what is my worst quality, this has actually got me reflecting on the past years, its like taking back a trip down memory lane,except mine’s  a vortex with slideshows, and well just pieces of events happening.

I think my worst quality of what I have would be that I’ve not mastered in many things. I have a tendency to not complete things. Throughout the whole journey in my life, I have circled, swayed, jumped and crawled down from wanting to be this, and then that, and there’s always that ‘self-satisfaction’ that is missing.

When i was a kid, I had very random ambitions, a doctor, a singer, a game designer, a producer, an artist, a mechanic, a professional, someone sitting down on a big chair in a high-story building over looking the city, like a skyscraper.

Every part of my life, i had joined activities, so much of them, just because i was eager to try them all, and so was school, i had a Higher Nitec cert in IT, then when i passed, i ran far far away from my IT course for my polytechnic years and went into Civil Aviation, because simply i was eager to try something new. It could be because I’m such the ‘perfectionist’ trying to see where i fit best which until now,and i still haven’t be able to satisfy and say ‘ Okay, this is what I’m gonna be, _____ and this is what my dreams are. —– fullstop.


I always had the impression that I was the only one who was feeling this way, but during my internship at the airport, i got to know a lovely lady, CEA, working on her shift roaming the terminals, and i said,

So, what do you like to do, and what’s your strengths, and she said, well, it’s hard to say, I’m good at whatever anyone throws at me, I love challenges, and I like to broaden myself up to this. I don’t have a specific liking, I’m like the ‘Jack of all Trades, master of none’ . That triggered me, and so it was to my advantage that the ‘flawed’ version of myself, isn’t really that bad either.

Well, in may not be that I can’t be able to master something that i want, but that isn’t so bad. The best of the best people are multi-skilled , having envisioned the world  through their basic skills,with the ability to build and change the world ( of course with help of others).

Now that explains why my blog hasn’t have a specific topic throughout.(WHYYYY~) How’s that for a flaw, well a good flaw i guess ? 🙂

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