A date that went a bit too soon perhaps.

I can still remember, the day of our first date, it was awesome, really. Matter of fact, it was one of those special days, that I’ve actually been treated more nicely than other days. The fact that you took the time to cook for me was really special. We shared a secret diary that you and me passed to each other. We traded secrets about each other, I shared only my deep darkest secrets to those who only knew me close enough, and i shared more with you, about myself and i explained to you how the perception of others isn’t what it seems when it comes to me. I didn’t really know how it could ended up to this, but yeah it happened.

At first it feels almost perfect, it felt that we were destined for each other. I wouldn’t say its love at first sight, but i could say it was the love at first action. You totally caught my attention. I guess that was what I had been hoping for all along. Actions. We met and went out on a few outings together, or I don’t know whether i should call it a date because it seemed like it was, simply, we went out.

We had friends whom disagreed of our date relationship , and others who stood there just knowing. We were low profile, but we couldn’t ignore the routine of an every day life, since we’re living off in a small place, and that we are bound to meet someone we knew.

After awhile, we were busy. I remember again one night, when we were talking about what we love to listen to, and apparently we both didn’t know who we were referring to.I took in at first that this was the challenge we faced. Other days often left me trying to find something that we can both relate to, something that we both had in common, but in the end, I think we both just decided to kept at accepting each other’s differences, and some other times, when I can’t find anything else to say, I just went with the ‘poke you so it doesn’t feel so awkward and quiet’ feeling, it was fun, it was a distraction from having me to say something foolish instead.

We had our bigger argument, and i had such a disapproval feeling of how you see things.  At this point of time, I’m stopping, reflecting, trying to always find a point, or a moment, maybe something that can bring me back to why we had this at the first place. I knew we were dating, that was in the back of my mind. and that point of time it felt like It’s okay for me to feel this way, because we are dating, and i always kept this mentality where I’m on a date, so this is where i can find out even more, whether this person is right for me, and if it doesn’t feel right, then its okay. move on they say.

I think it all came to this maybe because, we were already exceptionally close to each other and had feelings for each other. At one side, I’m thinking, I don’t want to get into a status where we’re boyfriend and girlfriend so soon, because I really hate the breaking up process just because we don’t know each other so well. It’s annoying, its boring, it takes so much emotional energy.

At that very night, when i just needed time to think things through, and how you were letting me know “how you couldn’t breathe without me”, it just got me thinking, how that doesn’t make sense at all. I was already disappointed before, and the message you were giving to me, just didn’t seem right at the time and made it look like you couldn’t stand on your own and just a very desperate attempt and making us be friends. I couldn’t learn to put it to stop, that the moment you said it, my mind said,

“If you’re already saying this at the point of time when we’re dating, how will it be when we’re together then?”

The next day, you told me that we should be friends. I texted you saying hi the day after, not wanting to lose that friendship we had, because we were only dating, but you seem to see that we shouldn’t be talking to each other since we’re friends aka not talking to each other.

Somehow it seemed like we just had a break up, when we’re not even together, and it seemed like a substitute for that,  and no matter what i try to say to just stay as friends, you’ll end up not being able , leaving me with a last message saying f**k off.

I’ve to say, not everything that I’ve done is good enough, or worth the read, or i may even be criticised to post this up, and i’ll accept this as a part of my life lesson.

Looking up to the sky

Every once a while i look up to the sky
wondering about the things that comes by
the skies plays a skit travelling back in time
the clouds making images of recollection times

The ones that was lost soon began to unfold,
because truth to be told, it was always there in one’s soul
I tend to avoid the things that I don’t want to see,
but little that i know, that the things plays a part of being me.

I breathed in deep and i let out a big sigh,
open my arms and spread my hands out wide
listen to the silence that goes through my mind
connect to the sound that the world helps to define

Accept that things are meant what it is to be,
accept the ups and downs of reality,
i look down to the ground, walk with a smile,
that 10 seconds of thought made it all worthwhile.

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Middle man is known as the phone.

I have got to learn to blog from my phone. I just realised I’ve been creating these ‘lazy to blog’ thoughts in my mind, like,

‘Oh, you don’t have a laptop cause you’re outside right now, so you can’t blog’ or it’s getting too late, I can’t blog, I’m too lazy to switch on the laptop.

And for that, i’m telling myself,

“Use your phone, and don’t be lazy. At the same time, why don’t you snap a photo every now and then and post it up.”

 

 

End of the life of what you call school.

It marks the last day and the end of school. Today is the day. I’m sitting here in this room, its not normally like this. I would usually be getting up early morning to have to pack my stuffs and get ready for school. There’s this inch of laziness, and also another inch of tiredness when it comes to getting ready for school, but the thought of just going out and meeting the people in class outweighs a lot more. There was a time, when there was no time, complaining to myself that there isn’t time, to do things that i want to do.

Now, i woke up as late as ever, because there isn’t school. I’m still sitting here in this room, and I’m still feeling an inch of laziness, boredom even more. I can’t find the reason to go out because I’m just well comfortable at home, yet I feel like i need to go out because I need to do something. ( i got some problem, really)

I think it’s time to plan,  time to work. (talk about work, i’ve not told my manager from the previous, when I’m going back because i took a break) , so i guess not so soon for work.

 

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To be honest.

I’ve lost track of time.
There’s things needed to be settled
I’m trying to prioritize but my mind is in the other way round. 
Feeling uneasy
Not in par with surrounding
Tired and thinking of what’s going to happen soon.
Exams around the corner, and working is not a good combo really.
Looking at the calandar to plan, and just ‘what if’s just boggles out, and its never done.

Putting on a sigh cause I’m in a lazy mood.
Putting on a smile cause I need to be in a good mood.
Holidays are over but i could have had a holiday

Not been posting much, and not sure what to do

But, for today at least I have to just let this one out. 

Nothing = Everything.

As I was walking back home from school, I just realized that I’m walking alone. Not that I’m being anti-social,(i think I’m gonna be forever alone), but then when you’re all alone, your mind starts to wander.

My mind went into the thoughts of me living off my life lonely independently, and exploring the world alone. ALONE. I’d be off somewhere in the winter, and I’ll be alone, probably in the desert field alone, oh and I think if I were to organize a birthday party even at the coolest place ever like a sky rooftop bar, I’d picture, empty bars, tables full of nachos just left there to sog in the rain after, and just me.

I wouldn’t want to spread the negativity aura now, considering that at this point of time, I’m having rough days, but there’s a need for me to say it so that you can understand. Just recently, I started working in the weekends, I had wanted to work for both days, and it rained, my pay is really nice, but my hours depended on the people and weather, so I was sent home earlier than expected and therefore i had lesser pay. On that day itself, I was supposed to have had a project with my teammates, and because I needed the money, I sacrificed some important stuffs for school. Not forgetting all the sleepless nights, because of the whole ball of tiredness just clumped into me trying to get through the next day, I’m trying to catch up with driving lessons. Then my handphone died out on me. It went spoiled, and i just repaired it not much that a month ago. Can’t complain but have to (yes, not I’m won’t make it better by just complaning or you prolly won’t care either)

The thing is that, whatever I was feeling at this point of time, the emptiness that was going around me, all the bad things, it made me feel like I’m nothing to this world. It made me feel like I’m not as equally as important as anyone else, and feel moody, grumpy, and it like shit, BUT, in these times, while walking back home from school, the emptiness, the lonliness, somehow made me feel like I am somehow free. A part of me says that, I’m on my worst days, can’t get any worser, only better and another part of me also says that in this emptiness, I’ve open myself to everything. When you feel like you have to be a part of something, you’re constrained to yourself, knowing that, when I’m at this stage, I can also see that the world is mine, opportunity is now in front of me and  now I see everything, when you know nothing, you have the motivation to want to know everything.

So even in the worst of days, there’s always another side of the pole that brings us from nothing to everything.

Friday’s Chilling with Srpentz = Good good times .

The fasting month has soon come to about how many days now , 5 days? That’s quite fast, and so has the time pass.
I’ve got final tests coming in two weeks time, and I’ve not seriously been going through notes, and writing notes even. Unfortunately, reading the 6P notes is too much to capture, so there’s still need for summarizing and memorization.

Today’s lesson went well though, in fact its one of those days, where i didn’t really had to be so stress on the calculations from the statistics module. Made it through with only me and another person in the group which is quite awesome 🙂 and so then class came to an end.

TGIF!

I’m always looking forward to Friday’s, even if I’m busy for the rest of the day. I like the feeling of having to have Saturday, next to Friday, and having Sunday to look forward to after a good Saturday .BAHA! sounds very “rebecca’ing friday ”
Looking forward to the WEEKEND! OMFG back at ya !

Oh man, i miss blogging. I’m starting to realize that blogging has always been a good place to vent out craziness, and sillyness, open my mind up and just write down all the kind of ‘kabablish’ things that’s just gonna keep coming up in my mind.

Back again to the class came to an end….
And so came the other friends of mine from another class, and we went to play Rainbow 6 Vegas Team Deathmatch, and the other team was definitely stronger than mine. Super elite force VS  the noobish force!  , i manage to score kills though, thanks to the ever so geek-ish me who has always been so into when it comes to games like this.

Ended at 6pm, and I went home to have my dinner with the family, and i had a really nice mee-tomyum, if I’m not wrong, with nice fried chickens.
Went to chill with the Srpentz again this time at Macdonalds Yishun, and it was just a good nice night, with lovely company, talking things out, and basically just enjoy the rest of my night.

That’s life, and i’m definitely enjoying it 🙂